In my high school feminism class, we have discussed the silencing of the Black female voice in relation to rape culture and sexual harassment. This silence is something I have been aware of my entire life. I am a brown girl who goes to a majority white school. Black female struggles throughout American history parallel Black female struggles that are within my school. These struggles are perpetuated by our own silence as Black and brown girls and our being silenced by Black and brown boys.

During the film No! The Rape Documentary by Aishah Shahidah Simmons, one of the topics addressed was that during the Civil Rights Movement, Black women who were a part of the movement were being raped and assaulted by some of the very Black male leaders who were at the head of the movement. These Black men told them to be quiet because it would take away attention from the activism at hand. Black activists were trying to show white America that they were not the stereotypes that white America thought they were. Just like now, during the Civil Rights Movement, Black men were being portrayed as criminals and were being discriminated against. Black men felt that if Black women came forward with their stories of being sexual assaulted or harassed by Black men, then they would be perpetuating the stereotypes that white America already had about them.

Black women were ultimately guilted into being silenced in fear of being viewed as anti-Black. The guilt of being anti-black is often used as a tool to silence Black and brown women and that same concept is prominent in the rape culture that is perpetuated at my school.

There are few Black and brown boys at my school, and even fewer in my grade. The few Black and brown boys in my grade have a reputation amongst the teachers for being rowdy and because of this, they are seen as perpetuating the stereotypes that the white community at my school have about them. However, these same boys also have a reputation amongst the students for perpetuating sexist commentary and behavior.

If these boys misbehave, a lot of the time we Black and brown girls stay quiet because we don’t want to confirm stereotypes or betray our few Black and brown male peers. Black and brown girls do not want to treat Black and brown boys the way the police, media, and schools in the U.S. do. Treating them as such could be viewed as a betrayal to our community. To be labled as a sexual harasser takes away their pride. In order to maintain racial pride, these boys create power dynamics in order to keep girls quiet about what they have done.

But when the people sexually harassing Black and brown girls at school are our very own Black and brown boys, the issue of silencing comes to play in a way that cannot continue to be ignored. Is racial pride and image more important than our safety?

My answer is: No.

Throughout history, the sexual harassment, assault, and rape of black women have gone undocumented and that doesn’t end at my school. When Simmons came to speak to our class, one of the things she said that struck me was,

“Racism is an important conversation but does not condone rape.”

I think girls of color at my school need to learn from that statement and know that racism is an important conversation but does not mean we should condone sexist behavior such as sexual harassment whether it be emotional, physical, or verbal.

The lack of opportunities to document these forms of violence against the Black female body and spirit is an act of violence in itself. When no one gets an opportunity to document these incidents, this confirms the idea that these offenses are acceptable or something people can get away with without penalty. This creates a dangerous power dynamic that makes girls, whether we are Black, brown, or white, feel unsafe at school. We can practically see the thoughts running in some students’ heads:

“I can hurt you because nothing will happen to me.”  

“I can touch your body because you can’t say anything.”

“I can harass your body because you can’t say anything.”

I have many personal experiences of being harassed at school. One of them is when I was searching for a seat during a school assembly. I noticed a few open chairs towards the front. I picked one and sat down. Suddenly, the seats around me were filled by this group of boys, all of them boys of color. Four of them sat behind me and one sat beside me. The boy beside me leaned over the back of his chair to join the conversation with his friends. Each statement said by one of them ended in a roar of laughter by the entire group.

I was curious as to what they could all be laughing about, so I started to listen. I then realized they we talking about me and my stomach dropped. “Move closer to her, that’s your girl,” one of the boys behind me said to the boy sitting next to me. He moved slightly closer but not very much. They all laughed as he moved closer. Another boy behind me then said to the boy beside me,

“Go get your girl, that’s easy pussy!”

I shot the boy beside me a glare and he stayed put. But all the boys behind me scooted their chairs forward to the point where I could feel their breath on my neck. “You try,” the boy beside me responded to his friend’s “easy pussy” comment. Suddenly this boy behind me put his legs up on the back of my chair. He then put his hands on his knees and I could feel them touching the lower part of my back through the opening of the chair. I turned around and he saw my annoyance on my face.

He then said, “What? I can’t put my legs here?” and everyone laughed. But I, as well as everyone else, knew that wasn’t what he was trying to do. He then put his legs down when I said no. They all laughed at me when I said no. The boy beside me then scooted his chair very close up next to me. He put his hand in the space between our seats and looked at his friends for approval as he slowly moved his hand closer and closer to my butt. All his friends giggled and made moaning sounds as they nodded their head giving him approval to continue what he was doing.

I got up and moved seats. I never said anything to these boys. I never reported any of it to my teachers. I saw the same boys doing something similar to another girl of color the next day.

A community suffers when you don’t hold the people in it accountable. My school’s community suffers when we don’t hold each other accountable for our actions. The Black community within my school suffers when the girls  who are being harmed by the boys of color don’t hold those boys accountable for their actions. Every time we don’t hold them accountable, history repeats itself.

When I read Audre Lorde’s “The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action,” I was inspired by her call to break silences in our lives, especially as Black and brown women. By holding each other accountable and documenting our experiences of harassment and assault we are putting our struggles into language and taking action to make change.